How Much Solitude Do You Want on Your Honeymoon?

This entry is from our Expert Guest series where wedding and honeymoon professionals share their best tips on creating memories that last a lifetime.

You’ve heard jokes that a honeymoon is for newlyweds to lock themselves away and “make whoopee” as the “The Newlywed Game” used to say.

That’s probably what it mostly was, back in the days when most couples waited to do that until after their nuptials. But that’s not the case anymore. Over two-thirds of married couples today live together before tying the knot, and only 3% of couples in America wait for marriage before making whoopee.

For some couples, that’s still what a honeymoon is about: time to celebrate physical intimacy without the interruptions of real life. But other couples want the emotional intimacy that comes from exploring the world together, visiting with strangers or friends, and interacting with folks.

Deciding On Honeymoon Solitude

There’s no right or wrong answer here. The perfect honeymoon for one couple is different from the perfect honeymoon for another. The only way to get it “wrong” when planning your honeymoon is to do it in a way that doesn’t work for you and your spouse.

That’s why we’re offering this quiz to help you and your love figure out how much alone time you need for the days after the big day. Write down which number you answer for each question — you’ll add them up at the end.

Question 1: What travel have you done together prior to the wedding?

1. It’s a party wherever we go.
2. We like to see the sights and eat out in unusual places.
3. We’ve never traveled together before.
4. We tend to rest and enjoy the quiet and break from “real life.”

Question 2: What is your living situation at home?

1. We lived together (with no other people) before the wedding and will move back to the same place after.
2. We lived alone, separately, and are moving in together as soon as we get back.
3. We shared housing together with others before the wedding and will move in together (just the two of us) when we get home.
4. We shared housing together with others (including kids) before the wedding and will continue to do so.

Question 3: When you argue, how does it usually go?

1. We’re pretty good at discussing issues without getting overheated.
2. We get heated but calm down quickly and apologize.
3. We get super-heated, even in public, and sometimes fight for days.
4. We haven’t had a real fight yet.

Question 4: How often do you think you will make whoopee on the trip?

1. About as often as we do at home.
2. Every day or so.
3. Definitely every day, and a few “extra innings”!
4. That’s the main reason for the trip.

Question 5: Do the two of you like doing tourist activities together?

1. We didn’t travel all this way to not do all the tourist stuff. Let’s go!
2. We want to hit the highlights, but we also want time to relax with each other.
3. Sometimes, but it’s not a priority.
4.  We hate tourist traps and would prefer something off the beaten path.

Question 6: If you’re leaving for your honeymoon immediately after the wedding, how large and complex will the event be?

1. No big deal. Just a handful of close friends and everybody will behave themselves.
2. A small or medium wedding, with small or medium drama. It shouldn’t be too bad.
3. It’s a big wedding and/or potentially full of drama. Fingers crossed!
4. It’s huge and will be full of drama. We’re already exhausted.

Question 7: Do you intend to do any life planning or other “heavy lifting” work about your marriage or relationship during this trip?

1. Absolutely not! That isn’t what honeymoons are for.
2. Not really, but we’ll inevitably dream together about what the future will hold for us.
3. We want to talk about the big things but leave the details for when we get back to real life.
4. Absolutely. Failing to plan is planning to fail, and we don’t plan to fail in our marriage!

Question 8: What is your perfect get-away-from-it-all vacation?

1. Going out drinking, dancing, and partying all night, every night.
2. Tourist outings by day, nightlife and nice dinners once the sun goes down.
3. A mellow mixture of relaxation and occasional activity.
4. Being tucked in somewhere quiet, ordering room service, with no demands on my time.

Question 9: What is your partner’s perfect get-away-from-it-all vacation?

1. Going out drinking, dancing, and partying all night, every night.
2. Tourist outings by day, nightlife and nice dinners once the sun goes down.
3. A mellow mixture of relaxation and occasional activity.
4. Being tucked in somewhere quiet, ordering room service, with no demands on their time.

Question 10: How much do you enjoy spending time with strangers?

1. Strangers are just friends we haven’t met yet.
2. We’re social butterflies but need some alone time too.
3. Only when necessary for an activity we enjoy.
4. Strangers would stop us from doing an activity we would otherwise participate in.

What’s Your Score?

Total up the point values of your answers, and check our chart below to know what kind of honeymoon provides the perfect degree of solitude to begin your marriage.

• 10 to 16: Solitude? You Don’t Need No Solitude! Make your honeymoon the party of your young lives while exploring how you function together as a team. Book that group tour or all-inclusive at a crowded resort. You’ll have plenty of alone time for the rest of your lives together.

• 17 to 24: An Even Mix of Solitude and Company Is What You Want. An arranged tour or a trip to someplace you’ve both always wanted to visit is a good candidate for success here. You’ll be motivated to leave the hotel room but still have plenty of downtime to celebrate your wedded bliss.

• 25 to 33: You Want Plenty of Time Alone, But Also a Few Excursions Into the World as a Couple. Cruise ships can provide this, as can a destination trip to someplace not too exotic. Save the super-adventurous excursions for a time when you’ll leave the hotel a little more often.

• 34 to 40: Honeymoons Are for Shutting Out the World and Discovering What You Haven’t Yet Learned About One Another. You want a snowed-in mountain retreat, an ecolodge in the middle of nowhere, or just a room at a resort that brings all the necessities to you. Keep the world at bay for a while and focus on each other.

It can also be helpful to take the quiz separately and compare answers. If they match, so much the better. If not, you get to practice the most important marital skill: negotiation.

Make your honeymoon dreams come true with a Honeyfund honeymoon registry.

Bio: Ron Williams has been married for 10 years and had a honeymoon in the Carribean, where he and his new bride snorkeled, ate out, and spent time with one another.