Are guests expected to give us a gift?

Get ready for a big surprise: According to traditional American etiquette, wedding gifts are purely optional. That's why it's uncouth to include any mention of gifts with your invitation—it comes across like you're expecting a gift.

Reality check! As we all know, most guests will choose to bring a gift. After all, they are the people that love and care about you the most. They'll want to honor your special occasion by giving something you really want.

Are we expected to have a wedding registry? What if we don't want gifts?

You might be thinking, "If gifts are not required, why should we go to the trouble of creating a registry?" Simply put, it's a courtesy to your guests. Your registry makes it easier for them to pick out something they know you'll love.

If you're the kind of couple that would rather not receive gifts at all, you'll find that requesting no gifts is tougher than you think. Again, most guests want to honor your special occasion by giving something. That's why a honeymoon registry is such a great idea. Guests can give you something you'll really use and enjoy, and you'll avoid accumulating more stuff.

Is asking for a cash gift or money for our honeymoon acceptable etiquette?

By and large the answer is "Yes!" But etiquette experts still disagree on this topic. You'll have to consider the culture and values of your family and guests. Asking for strict cash gifts goes against traditional American etiquette, but it's more than acceptable in other cultures. The honeymoon registry solves the problem of asking for cash by allowing guests to purchase a piece of your honeymoon. As such, honeymoon registries are much more common these days than in the past. We recommend you look at your guest list and think about who would and wouldn't be open to the idea. And remember, you can always have both! Create a department store registry for those who would prefer to give you something more conventional. You can link to it from your Honeyfund wedding web page.

Is it proper etiquette to announce our registry in our wedding invitation?

In all our research, we've only found one answer to this question: No! Never mention gifts or gift registries on anything associated with your invitation. You can however provide the URL of your wedding website, which you can link to Honeyfund.com and your other registries. If you don't have a wedding website, see the next question.

Note it is perfectly acceptable to include information about your registries in a bridal shower invitation.

What if we don't have a wedding website?

If you don't have a wedding website, we recommend you use Honeyfund's optional wedding details section, which includes information about your wedding date, location and other registries. You can direct guests to this info by including your personalized Honeyfund.com URL with your invitation. We even provide customized inserts, which you can request by contacting us.

How should we spread the word about our honeymoon registry?

See the previous questions for how to handle registry information in your wedding invitation. In addition, you can use Honeyfund to e-mail guests a link to your wedding website or Honeyfund wedding details page where they can learn more about your wedding. We even give you a tactful suggestion for how to word your e-mail. Also, make sure your bridal party and close family members are helping to spread the word and answer questions about your Honeyfund honeymoon registry. Word of mouth can be very effective.

Do we still need a traditional wedding gift registry?

We recommend you create at least one conventional gift registry for the traditionalists on your guest list. It's also nice to have for the bridal shower. And this way, your guests can choose from a wide range of things they know you'll like.

And there's one more benefit of a traditional registry: Many department stores entice you to "complete" your registry after your wedding by offering you up to 20% off remaining items. So if there is anything you've been eyeing for your home, put it on your wedding registry. If no one purchases it, you can get it later at a discount.

Where can I get more info about wedding gift etiquette?

Here are some resources we found on the topic:

• Wedding Etiquette Secrets
• Linda Kevich at SuperWeddings.com
• Dear Prudie at Slate.com
• Emily Post Wedding Gift Etiquette Tips