Hello friends and family,

Traditional weddings are stupid, expensive, and I have no interest in wasting 20 Gs on a party; only to receive useless kitchenware like a 5 set of gravy boats.

For this reason we are hoping you'll instead spend your own hard-earned cash contributing to this party. Your generous contributions will go directly to your own enjoyment, or the enjoyment of our guests, if you are unable to attend.